YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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