You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
