My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
