Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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