Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize