1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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