we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
