i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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