I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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