I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
