Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
