yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
