idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
nutella sex= disaster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
