i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Too much gin, very little bucket
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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