They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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