Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
