So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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