i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
