college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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