I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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