He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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