My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
