You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
