i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
