It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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