Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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