She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
