dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
