Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
