he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
