the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
