Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
