If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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