i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
