out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
