So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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