I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
