Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
