thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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