fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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