Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
