grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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