I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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