apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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