i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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