drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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