Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
