it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
