she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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