Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
