I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
