you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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