As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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