I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
