This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
