um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
