the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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