so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
