and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
