READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
