put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
