there's paper in my vomit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
