Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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