sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
