I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
