can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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