Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
